I went to a leadership workshop (which I will write about later) this weekend.
But I want you to watch something (I have no idea who reads my blog or if it even gets read sometimes.)
If I didn't check my stats every so often I would think I'm just writing these for myself.
But for some random reason I had over 70 page views one day. That was really random.
Oh well.
If you're reading this, check it out!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=StgLdZ3yyUo
Saturday, January 18, 2014
Saturday, January 11, 2014
You are beautful
Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.
Confucius got it right the first time.
Some days, I don't bother to get dressed. I brush my teeth, put my hair up and call it good. I don't put makeup on unless I'm going somewhere, and even then I rarely put on more than eyeliner and lip gloss. Maybe some eye-shadow. Maybe.
In fact, I only every do full on, foundation and all makeup if I have a competition or a formal banquet to go to.
I wear jeans and tee shirts the majority of the time. Around the house, I wear shorts and sweats and hoodies. Half the time, by hair isn't perfect and I have ink all over my hands. Some days I forget to brush my hair.
And I'm beautiful.
I am so tired of people letting the world define what is beautiful. The world lies, okay?
Beauty is almost abstract. What is beautiful to one person may not be pretty to the next. And that's okay. We are all entitled to our own opinions. It's a free country.
But what I hate is when people call other people ugly. And weird. And not normal. I hate it when anyone calls anybody any name for that matter. It's just not right.
Unfortunately, we don't live in a perfect world.
But maybe it would be a little more perfect if we stop letting society tell us what we should look like and who we should be.
Decide for yourself.
Be the you you want to be.
And to whoever is reading this, you are beautiful.
Confucius got it right the first time.
Some days, I don't bother to get dressed. I brush my teeth, put my hair up and call it good. I don't put makeup on unless I'm going somewhere, and even then I rarely put on more than eyeliner and lip gloss. Maybe some eye-shadow. Maybe.
In fact, I only every do full on, foundation and all makeup if I have a competition or a formal banquet to go to.
I wear jeans and tee shirts the majority of the time. Around the house, I wear shorts and sweats and hoodies. Half the time, by hair isn't perfect and I have ink all over my hands. Some days I forget to brush my hair.
And I'm beautiful.
I am so tired of people letting the world define what is beautiful. The world lies, okay?
Beauty is almost abstract. What is beautiful to one person may not be pretty to the next. And that's okay. We are all entitled to our own opinions. It's a free country.
But what I hate is when people call other people ugly. And weird. And not normal. I hate it when anyone calls anybody any name for that matter. It's just not right.
Unfortunately, we don't live in a perfect world.
But maybe it would be a little more perfect if we stop letting society tell us what we should look like and who we should be.
Decide for yourself.
Be the you you want to be.
And to whoever is reading this, you are beautiful.
Friday, January 10, 2014
Oops! I did it again
When I first started seeing, I never thought I'd be this good!
My latest formal, and I made it myself!
Saturday, January 4, 2014
The BF
I have a BF. His name is Sam, and I love him.
But we're not dating.
I can hear what you're thinking, all the way through the web and my computer screen.
Didn't she just say that he was her BF?
Why, yes, yes I did.
So why aren't they dating if she calls him her BF?
It's simple really. He's not my boyfriend. He's my best friend. There is a really big difference.
Truth: Sam is good looking. He's got good character, and he's a great guy. Most importantly, he's got a great love for the Lord.
(The first is a bonus, the rest are requirements)
So why aren't they dating?
Because even though I know all those things, it would be like dating my brother. Gross.
(Sam, I love ya man. But eww.)
I think that teenagers today are way to concerned about one meaning for BF that they forget the other.
Sam is amazing. I've known him for more than half my life. He's my twin, the Sam to my Frodo, and I would walk through fire for him. He listens to me when I need him to, helps me out. He's there for me. And I'm there for him.
I think that to many people care about one meaning for BF and, because of this, forget about the other definition.
Someone asked me once if I was Sam's girlfriend. My response was to look at the person like he was crazy and laugh. And then tell Sam who proceeded to laugh with me.
Yes, I am Sam's girl friend. I am a friend who happens to be of the female gender.
And that is totally okay. It's not weird at all.
So don't forget the BF stands for more than one thing. And in my opinion, the version I use is the most important.
<3 br="">
But we're not dating.
I can hear what you're thinking, all the way through the web and my computer screen.
Didn't she just say that he was her BF?
Why, yes, yes I did.
So why aren't they dating if she calls him her BF?
It's simple really. He's not my boyfriend. He's my best friend. There is a really big difference.
Truth: Sam is good looking. He's got good character, and he's a great guy. Most importantly, he's got a great love for the Lord.
(The first is a bonus, the rest are requirements)
So why aren't they dating?
Because even though I know all those things, it would be like dating my brother. Gross.
(Sam, I love ya man. But eww.)
I think that teenagers today are way to concerned about one meaning for BF that they forget the other.
Sam is amazing. I've known him for more than half my life. He's my twin, the Sam to my Frodo, and I would walk through fire for him. He listens to me when I need him to, helps me out. He's there for me. And I'm there for him.
I think that to many people care about one meaning for BF and, because of this, forget about the other definition.
Someone asked me once if I was Sam's girlfriend. My response was to look at the person like he was crazy and laugh. And then tell Sam who proceeded to laugh with me.
Yes, I am Sam's girl friend. I am a friend who happens to be of the female gender.
And that is totally okay. It's not weird at all.
So don't forget the BF stands for more than one thing. And in my opinion, the version I use is the most important.
<3 br="">
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
2014 Resolutions
Last year when I made New Year's resolutions, it was in April. And it wasn't even for New Year's, it was me trying to write more on my blog.
Here's what I said:
So, I've decided that today marks a new year for my blog. I've posted the occasional thing, book reviews, recipes, devotionals, etc. My blogs new year resolution is to post at least three things a week. Some of it might be structured, some of it might be random. But I'm going to attempt to write at least three things a week to post.
It might be an article on how the day was, what I did and saw. Perhaps it will be a review. Or I might even post some of my own works. Who knows?
And you know what the funny thing is? I never did manage to write something three times a week.
But that's okay. To be honest, this blog is not as important as some of the things in my life.
Here's a fact: I am not going to write everyday. It's just not possible. I'm busy enough as it is, trying to finish highschool. I don't have the time to write out an article three times a week. I have papers to edit, math tests to take. You get it, right?
Life is not going to end because I didn't post something on my blog.
I didn't have any New Year's resolutions last year. I didn't think that I needed them. But this year, I do.
As I look over the past few years of my life, I feel kind of empty. I had some great experiences and good memories, but nothing was really concrete. Nothing really meant anything to me.
And it wasn't an emotional emptiness, it was a spiritual emptiness.
I grew up in a church. I really did. I can remember going to several different churches in the past sixteen years, but one that has always stood out was FUMC Nashville. This place is my home. I have walked those halls and prayed in those rooms for more than ten years. I grew up alongside some of my greatest friends, with whom I am so close that I consider them my family.
I am so thankful to my parents, who knew that this was the place God wanted us to be.
So, yeah, I grew up in a church. But that didn't mean that I was a Christian.
When I was young, I had a strong faith in God. This was largely due to my parents who made the decision to homeschool me at a young age, and also due to the teachings of my pastor and Sunday School teachers.
But, as I got older and grew up and began to understand more of the world that we live in, I started to question my faith. I wondered why God would let people suffer when he could do something to stop it. I was young, and I didn't understand what I do now.
One thing that I wanted was acceptance. Because of my homeschooling, (even though it is the best thing that ever happened to me) I felt isolated. Separated from my friends. More than half the time I only saw them on Sundays, and as I began to hit my teens I felt really different. From them, that is.
And at that time in my life being different wasn't okay.
Whenever they talked about school, I would have nothing to add to the conversation. I had no idea what they were talking about. I would just have to sit, and listen, and try to be a part of them even though, to me, I wasn't. I hated it. I felt like there was this wall between us that I could never climb.
It wasn't their fault really. They didn't understand, and I never explained how much pain they were causing me.
I just really wanted to fit in, but it was like no matter what I did, I couldn't.
In my mind, I was all alone, and I was hurting. And instead of turning to God, I turned away from him. People may think that I'm strong in my faith, but at that point in my life I wanted nothing to do with God. I went to church because I had to. I prayed because I had to. My heart wasn't in it any more.
This continued for a few years. Then I attended Disciple Now, a local weekend worship session that was run by some of the churches in our town. Those three days changed my life.
It was like I went through spiritual reawakening. The things they said, it seemed like they finally made sense to me. It clicked in my head. I finally understood what everyone had been trying to tell me all those years. I got it.
The night of February 26, 2011, I knelt in front of the stage and truly gave my heart to the Lord.
But, unfortunately, it didn't last that long. Things happened over the past two years, and nothing really changed. I thought that it would, but it didn't. I still felt, and still feel, separated from my friends. It's not their fault, and it's not mine, but there are times when I wonder if we are still even friends.
And then my grandmother died.
And then my youth pastors and people that I've known for years decided to leave the church.
And then my other grandparents moved states away.
It just seemed like nothing was really different and every time I turned around I was being hit by a battering ram. I let it knock me down. I let my insecurities get a hold of me, and just like when I was younger, I began to drift away from God. I was angry, and in pain, and I just seemed like nothing could make the bad stuff go away. I should have turned to Jesus, but I didn't. And there was the spiritual emptiness.
Then a friend said something to me. It was something like, "You are one of the most Godly people that I know."
I wanted to laugh.
Godly? Me? That is one of that last words I would have chosen to describe myself.
But for some reason, that night I took a look at myself and realized that the path I was letting myself walk on was only going to lead to more hurt as long as I let myself stay on it. I realized that I was just living a lie by walking the walk but not talking the talk. If there was one thing pounded into my head by all my spiritual leaders, it's that to be a Christian, you have to be a Christian. Outward signs of faith get you nowhere.
And I was going nowhere, fast.
I was in spiritual death.
And I hated myself for it.
So I started to pay more attention in church. I listened to my youth pastor more closely. I read my Bible a little more, trying to understand what I understood so easily when I was younger. Jesus knew what he was talking about when He said, "Let the little children come to me."
And I think I get it now. Somewhat.
Jesus Christ, God on Earth, made the choice to come to earth in the form of Man to be the ultimate sacrifice for the sins of the world. For my sins. For yours. He loved us enough to suffer humiliation before dying a terrible death. I didn't deserve it. You didn't deserve it. And we never will. But that just increases the beauty of His sacrifice. He didn't care, because He loves us. For Him, it was worth it.
And I will never be able to thank Him enough for it.
So, as a result of this, here are my New Year's Resolutions:
1) Read my Bible once every day no matter what.
2) Pray more
3) Be a Christian on the inside as well as the out.
It's not going to be easy. True Christian life never is. And it's not all going to change at once. The world is not going to turn in another direction, and all of my life problems aren't going to be solved in the next instant.
And that's okay.
I'm still going to feel separated from my friends. I will still feel alone sometimes, but I'm not truly alone. I never was.
I'm still going to feel pain. I'm going to hurt. But He will be there to share in my pain, and to wash away my tears once the storm has ended.
I will still be terrified about what the future holds for me. But He is next to me, holding my hand, and suddenly my fears are gone.
And I'll be okay.
Here's what I said:
So, I've decided that today marks a new year for my blog. I've posted the occasional thing, book reviews, recipes, devotionals, etc. My blogs new year resolution is to post at least three things a week. Some of it might be structured, some of it might be random. But I'm going to attempt to write at least three things a week to post.
It might be an article on how the day was, what I did and saw. Perhaps it will be a review. Or I might even post some of my own works. Who knows?
And you know what the funny thing is? I never did manage to write something three times a week.
But that's okay. To be honest, this blog is not as important as some of the things in my life.
Here's a fact: I am not going to write everyday. It's just not possible. I'm busy enough as it is, trying to finish highschool. I don't have the time to write out an article three times a week. I have papers to edit, math tests to take. You get it, right?
Life is not going to end because I didn't post something on my blog.
I didn't have any New Year's resolutions last year. I didn't think that I needed them. But this year, I do.
As I look over the past few years of my life, I feel kind of empty. I had some great experiences and good memories, but nothing was really concrete. Nothing really meant anything to me.
And it wasn't an emotional emptiness, it was a spiritual emptiness.
I grew up in a church. I really did. I can remember going to several different churches in the past sixteen years, but one that has always stood out was FUMC Nashville. This place is my home. I have walked those halls and prayed in those rooms for more than ten years. I grew up alongside some of my greatest friends, with whom I am so close that I consider them my family.
I am so thankful to my parents, who knew that this was the place God wanted us to be.
So, yeah, I grew up in a church. But that didn't mean that I was a Christian.
When I was young, I had a strong faith in God. This was largely due to my parents who made the decision to homeschool me at a young age, and also due to the teachings of my pastor and Sunday School teachers.
But, as I got older and grew up and began to understand more of the world that we live in, I started to question my faith. I wondered why God would let people suffer when he could do something to stop it. I was young, and I didn't understand what I do now.
One thing that I wanted was acceptance. Because of my homeschooling, (even though it is the best thing that ever happened to me) I felt isolated. Separated from my friends. More than half the time I only saw them on Sundays, and as I began to hit my teens I felt really different. From them, that is.
And at that time in my life being different wasn't okay.
Whenever they talked about school, I would have nothing to add to the conversation. I had no idea what they were talking about. I would just have to sit, and listen, and try to be a part of them even though, to me, I wasn't. I hated it. I felt like there was this wall between us that I could never climb.
It wasn't their fault really. They didn't understand, and I never explained how much pain they were causing me.
I just really wanted to fit in, but it was like no matter what I did, I couldn't.
In my mind, I was all alone, and I was hurting. And instead of turning to God, I turned away from him. People may think that I'm strong in my faith, but at that point in my life I wanted nothing to do with God. I went to church because I had to. I prayed because I had to. My heart wasn't in it any more.
This continued for a few years. Then I attended Disciple Now, a local weekend worship session that was run by some of the churches in our town. Those three days changed my life.
It was like I went through spiritual reawakening. The things they said, it seemed like they finally made sense to me. It clicked in my head. I finally understood what everyone had been trying to tell me all those years. I got it.
The night of February 26, 2011, I knelt in front of the stage and truly gave my heart to the Lord.
But, unfortunately, it didn't last that long. Things happened over the past two years, and nothing really changed. I thought that it would, but it didn't. I still felt, and still feel, separated from my friends. It's not their fault, and it's not mine, but there are times when I wonder if we are still even friends.
And then my grandmother died.
And then my youth pastors and people that I've known for years decided to leave the church.
And then my other grandparents moved states away.
It just seemed like nothing was really different and every time I turned around I was being hit by a battering ram. I let it knock me down. I let my insecurities get a hold of me, and just like when I was younger, I began to drift away from God. I was angry, and in pain, and I just seemed like nothing could make the bad stuff go away. I should have turned to Jesus, but I didn't. And there was the spiritual emptiness.
Then a friend said something to me. It was something like, "You are one of the most Godly people that I know."
I wanted to laugh.
Godly? Me? That is one of that last words I would have chosen to describe myself.
But for some reason, that night I took a look at myself and realized that the path I was letting myself walk on was only going to lead to more hurt as long as I let myself stay on it. I realized that I was just living a lie by walking the walk but not talking the talk. If there was one thing pounded into my head by all my spiritual leaders, it's that to be a Christian, you have to be a Christian. Outward signs of faith get you nowhere.
And I was going nowhere, fast.
I was in spiritual death.
And I hated myself for it.
So I started to pay more attention in church. I listened to my youth pastor more closely. I read my Bible a little more, trying to understand what I understood so easily when I was younger. Jesus knew what he was talking about when He said, "Let the little children come to me."
And I think I get it now. Somewhat.
Jesus Christ, God on Earth, made the choice to come to earth in the form of Man to be the ultimate sacrifice for the sins of the world. For my sins. For yours. He loved us enough to suffer humiliation before dying a terrible death. I didn't deserve it. You didn't deserve it. And we never will. But that just increases the beauty of His sacrifice. He didn't care, because He loves us. For Him, it was worth it.
And I will never be able to thank Him enough for it.
So, as a result of this, here are my New Year's Resolutions:
1) Read my Bible once every day no matter what.
2) Pray more
3) Be a Christian on the inside as well as the out.
It's not going to be easy. True Christian life never is. And it's not all going to change at once. The world is not going to turn in another direction, and all of my life problems aren't going to be solved in the next instant.
And that's okay.
I'm still going to feel separated from my friends. I will still feel alone sometimes, but I'm not truly alone. I never was.
I'm still going to feel pain. I'm going to hurt. But He will be there to share in my pain, and to wash away my tears once the storm has ended.
I will still be terrified about what the future holds for me. But He is next to me, holding my hand, and suddenly my fears are gone.
And I'll be okay.
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